Courage of a Highlander Page 12

  ***

  Aiden sat in stony silence. Around him, the feast was in full swing. The Great Hall echoed to the sound of merry-making the like of which he hadn’t seen since he was a boy. Everywhere he looked people were laughing and joking, gossiping about this or that, enjoying the food and drink or joining in the music and dancing, ably led by his mother, all to welcome him home.

  But Aiden didn’t join in. It was based on a lie. His lie.

  He realized he was squeezing his cup tight and forced himself to relax. He was a small island of quiet in this sea of optimism. He responded when people spoke to him. He bantered and shared jests when necessary, but his heart wasn’t in it. He churned inside. What would his people do if they knew the truth? Would they be celebrating like this if they knew he was going to turn his back on them?

  His thoughts turned to the scroll sitting in a drawer in his room. He had intended to speak with his father about it the moment he got home, but his plans had changed since meeting Kara. His duty to keep her safe superseded any prior task and so he’d been given a stay of execution. He had exactly the amount of time it took to find Irene MacAskill and send Kara home to work out what he would say to his family, his clan. But what could he say?

  My fate doesnae lie here. I’ve known it since I was a child. I’m sorry. I canna be the person ye need me to be.

  He took a swig of whisky, and, surprised to find his cup empty, poured himself another. Things had been simpler on the road with Kara. Then all he had to worry about was finding them food and somewhere dry to sleep. He’d had none of the nagging doubts that plagued him whenever he returned to Dun Arnwick. On the road with Kara he’d been at peace, possibly for the first time in his life.

  He glanced over at her. She was chatting to Beth, the two of them laughing like they’d known each other for years. His heart swelled at the sight. For a fleeting moment he wished with all his heart that this was an image of the future: Kara sat beside him for all time, part of his family. Part of him.

  He pushed the thought away but he could feel Kara’s presence by his side like a candle flame. She burned against his senses and he was hyper-aware of every movement she made, every word she spoke.

  Annis called out to Beth, who pushed back her chair and made her way into the kitchen with the housekeeper. This was Aiden’s chance to speak to Kara alone. But before he could say a word, Bhradain slid into Beth’s vacant spot. He bent close to Kara, speaking softly, so softly that Aiden couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  Aiden sat stiffly, grinding his teeth. What was Bhradain saying to her? Why was she smiling like that? Didn’t she realize that Bhradain Garrick was an oily snake with a reputation for chasing anything in a dress? Aiden gripped his cup as a strange mix of jealousy and protectiveness raged through him. Bhradain said something and Kara suddenly threw her head back and laughed.

  Something in Aiden snapped. He pushed his chair back, thumped his cup down on the table, then strode from the room and out the main doors where he paused at the top of the steps. It was a cold, clear night and Aiden breathed in deeply, savoring the night air, allowing it to soothe his churning thoughts.

  “Aiden?”

  He spun, hand going reflexively to where his sword hilt would be. Kara stepped out, hugging herself to keep warm.

  “What are you doing out here?”

  Aiden stared at her. Moonlight reflected in her eyes as she watched him. “Go back inside,” he said gruffly. “Ye are missing the feast.”

  “Damn the feast,” Kara replied. “I saw you leave. Are you okay?”

  Okay? he thought. Not even close.

  “Go back inside,” he repeated, his voice rougher than he intended. “Ye seemed to be enjoying yerself with Bhradain.” He knew he sounded like a petulant child but he couldn’t help it. The thought of Bhradain ingratiating himself with Kara made his blood boil.

  Her expression hardened. “Bhradain was just being friendly. Which is more than I can say for you. You’ve barely spoken two words all night.”

  “I have naught to say.”

  “What’s going on with you?” she asked. “I would have thought you’d be glad to be home.”

  Aiden blew out a breath. “I am. It’s just that...ah, lass. It doesnae matter. Ye wouldnae understand.”

  Kara crossed her arms. “Why don’t you try me?”

  At that moment the door behind them opened and Bhradain stepped out into the night. He raised an eyebrow as he saw them together. “Ah! I hope I’m nay interrupting anything. Kara, that dance I told ye about is about to start—and I promised to show ye the steps if ye remember. Unless ye two have something more important to do?”

  Aiden glared at Bhradain who watched him with a cocky little smile on his face. For a moment Aiden had the overwhelming urge to punch him. With a struggle he mastered himself.

  “Nay, naught important,” he growled.

  Then, before either of them could say a word, he spun and descended the stairs two at a time, fleeing into the darkness of the bailey.

  ***

  Aiden swung the sword low in a one-handed grip, a blow designed to rip out his opponent’s stomach. The dull-edged blade smacked into the practice dummy—two burlap sacks filled with straw lashed to a pole—with enough force to send a shiver of impact up his arm. Aiden ignored the pain. Without even pausing for breath, he spun on his heel and brought the sword around from the other side, his movements swift yet economical, using as little effort as possible for the maximum effect. This time the blade caught the practice dummy high on the left side, hard enough to take off an arm or even a head. If this had been a real fight, both of his opponents would be dead.

  Still Aiden didn’t stop. He dropped low to the ground, placing one palm flat on the icy ground and rolled, coming effortlessly to his feet on the other side of the dummy and slicing into it with an upper-cut designed to get through the defenses of an enemy coming at him from behind. Next he swung his sword in a series of arcs, taking one step with each swing, moving through exercises intended to keep his body lean and limber. He might not be on campaign at the moment but it was still important he kept himself in shape. Any warrior knew that it might mean the difference between living and dying on the battlefield.

  Finally, after more than an hour, Aiden halted. Despite the cold wind blowing through the practice field, and the snow flurries falling from the white clouds above, a thin sheen of sweat covered Aiden’s body, plastering his plaid to his skin and making his hair stick to his neck. Unable to sleep, Aiden had risen early, coming to the sparring grounds before dawn whilst the rest of the castle slept off last night’s celebrations.

  Around him, the rest of the garrison continued their sparring. They disliked training this early and more than a few were nursing sore heads. Over by the wall Jamie was taking a few of the new recruits through their paces with a pikestaff. The three youths were bleary-eyed and kept stamping their feet against the cold as Jamie demonstrated with a staff.

  Aiden grabbed his cloak and wrapped it around his shoulders, watching the new recruits. Memories flooded him. How many times had he trained out here with Jamie and the others? How many times had he waited with ill-grace, just like those new recruits as Jamie explained something rather than letting them just get on with it?

  The memories brought a flush of fondness but also a pang of regret. It things were different it would be Aiden himself putting those new recruits through their paces. As the eldest son and heir to the lairdship, his place was as commander of the castle’s warriors but when Aiden had left to join the king’s regiment, the duty had fallen to his uncle Jamie. So far, Aiden had managed to avoid taking the role back. He didn’t want it. It was just another reminder of who he could never be.

  Jamie set the new recruits to practicing their sparring and ambled over to Aiden.

  “Lord above, lad,” Jamie said. “What time did ye get out here? Ye will put us all to shame! Didnae ye realize last night was yer homecoming feast? Ye would be forgiven if ye didna
e train the morning after.”

  Aiden shrugged. “Habit, uncle. I’ve been rising with the birds for four years. It isnae something ye can easily forget. Besides, I like to train.”

  Jamie rubbed his chin. “Aye, so I noticed. Just like I noticed ye disappeared early last night. What troubles ye, lad? Ye look as though ye have the weight of the world on yer shoulders.”

  Aiden looked at his uncle. There was more gray in his hair than Aiden remembered and the lines around his eyes were deeper. But for all that, he was still fit and hale. Still happy. Jamie was a warrior and yet he’d found contentment here, riding patrols, guarding caravans and keeping Harris lands safe. Couldn’t Aiden find the same kind of contentment?

  “I understand, lad,” Jamie continued. “As does yer father. It canna be easy returning home after being away so long. It will take a little time but ye’ll adjust, ye mark my words.”

  Aiden nodded. The comment was meant to cheer him up but it only made Aiden’s morose mood worse. How could he tell Jamie that he would never adjust to this life? That his path lay elsewhere? His thoughts were like a tangled thorn bush. Whichever way he moved, they ripped at him like tiny thorns.

  “Did...did everyone enjoy the feast?” he asked.

  “Aye, lad, they did,” Jamie replied. He eyed his adoptive nephew shrewdly. “But I dinna think ye are enquiring after me or yer folks. I think there’s a certain wee lass ye are speaking of, am I right? Lady Kara retired to her chamber soon after ye left the feast. I’m nay great a judge of these things but I dinna think she was too happy with ye.”

  Idiot, Aiden cursed himself. Why did ye storm off like that? Like a spoiled child because ye were jealous? Didnae ye promise to take care of her? Didnae ye give yer word?

  Shame washed through him, making his cheeks burn. He sighed. “I’ve made a mess of things since I returned havenae I, uncle?”

  Jamie reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “Dinna fash, lad. Nobody begrudges ye a little time to get used to things again and there’s naught that canna be fixed.”

  Aiden blew out a breath and then nodded. “Aye. Mayhap ye are right. Well, there is only one way to find out.”

  He turned and walked back towards the castle, running a hundred different apologies through his head.

  Chapter 9

  It was snowing when Kara woke. She’d slept better than she had in a long, long time, and she woke feeling refreshed. Automatically she rolled over, expecting to find Aiden there, as he had been every morning for the last few days, but of course he wasn’t. She was no longer out in the wilds with him but in Dun Arnwick castle.

  And she was alone.

  A pang went through her. They’d parted badly last night and she felt his absence keenly. It was like the anchor that held her in place had gone and she felt oddly adrift.

  How had she gotten so reliant on his presence so quickly? It was dangerous. Hadn’t she learned the hard way not to be reliant on anyone?

  She threw back the covers, climbed out of bed, and crossed to the wardrobe. Biting her bottom lip, she considered the clothes in front of her. She picked a red dress that looked like it didn’t have too many hooks on the back and struggled her way into it, pleased when she managed to do it up without help. Next she crossed to the fireplace and coaxed the fire back into life until a merry blaze sent heat stealing through the room. Then she sat in a chair by the window and brushed her hair.

  There was a knock on the door. It opened and a fresh-faced maid stuck her head in. She took in the freshly made bed, the crackling fire, and an up-and-dressed Kara and her eyes widened slightly.

  “Oh!” she said. “My apologies, my lady. If I had realized ye were up, I would have come sooner.”

  “It’s fine,” Kara said, smiling at her. “I’m an early riser and thought I’d make myself useful rather than lying in bed.”

  The girl smiled shyly back. “Is there aught else I can get ye?”

  “No, I’m fine. Honestly.”

  The maid nodded although she seemed a little unsure about not being needed. “I’ll let Lady Lucy know ye are up. Breakfast will be served in the Great Hall when ye are ready.”

  With that she turned and left and Kara busied herself brushing her hair once more. She was staring out the window, lost in thought, when there was another knock on the door.

  “Honestly, I’m fine!” Kara called. Setting down the brush, she rose and opened the door. “I don’t need anything else right now...”

  Her words faltered as she saw Aiden leaning against the wall, arms crossed. He straightened and smiled tentatively.

  “Good morning, lass,” he muttered.

  Kara’s stomach did that annoying little flip at the sight of him. He was tousled and sweaty, as though he’d run here, but even so the sight of him sent heat flooding into her cheeks. It had only been one night but she realized she’d missed the sight of those stormy, brooding eyes. Of that self-deprecating smile. Of that messy, tangled black hair.

  But she also remembered how he’d walked out on her last night.

  She tilted her chin and said a little frostily. “Good morning.”

  Aiden shifted his feet. “Are ye...are ye well?”

  “Fine. Thanks for asking.”

  She didn’t invite him inside. If he thought she was going to make this easy on him he had another think coming.

  “Good. That’s good.” He glanced at his feet then at the walls, the ceiling, and finally back to her. “Listen, lass. I came to apologize. I’m sorry for how I behaved last night at the feast. I wanted ye to enjoy yerself. I shouldnae have walked out like that.”

  His eyes met hers and Kara’s irritation leaked away. “Why did you?” she asked.

  He rubbed his chin. “I...I...it’s complicated. But I wish to make it up to ye. How would ye like a tour of the castle?”

  “With you?”

  “Aye, with me.”

  Kara studied him. He held her gaze and her stomach did that little flip thing again. Yes, she’d very much like to spend some time with him.

  “Apology accepted. Lead on.”

  Aiden held out his arm and Kara took it. Together they began walking through the corridors of the castle. A few servants greeted Aiden as they walked, and he responded politely, exchanging a few words of small talk and pleasantries. Everyone seemed to know him, from the young page boys, to the cooks in the kitchens, to the guardsmen standing guard on the door.

  Kara tried to pay attention, to remember everything she saw and the people they encountered but her mind kept skipping back to the man at her side. He was the biggest enigma of them all, the one who held so many secrets.

  Aiden led her through the castle and out into the bailey. The snow flurries had passed but the day was blustery and wind picked at Kara’s hair, sending it streaming out behind her. True to his word, Aiden led her on a tour that took in most of the castle. First, they visited the stables and the kennels, then the kitchen and the herb garden. Lastly, they took a set of stone steps that led up onto the battlements.

  The wind up here was stronger but it was worth it as the view was incredible. The cliff fell away, tumbling down to the beach and the ocean stretched away to the horizon, gray and roiling. If she turned to look the other way, Kara could see the undulating landscape of the island marching into the distance, purple, heather-clad hills mixed with pastures full of sheep, rising into the dark shadows of snow-capped mountains .

  “It’s...it’s beautiful,” Kara whispered. What would it be like to live in a place like this? This, wild, beautiful place surrounded by family and friends?

  “Aye, it’s beautiful,” Aiden agreed, leaning his hands on the parapet and gazing out over the sea. His eyes scanned the horizon, his thoughts seeming far away.

  Kara cocked her head and regarded him. “There’s that look again.”

  “What look?”

  “The same one you had last night. The one that says your body might be here but your mind is somewhere else entirely.”

  Aid
en’s hands clenched where they rested on the rough stone and he let out a long sigh. “Aye,” he breathed, turning to look at her. “Mayhap I do. I had hoped things would become simpler when I returned, that my path would become clearer, but it hasnae.” His eyes fixed on her and for a moment she thought he would tell her what was on his mind. But then his expression closed and he stared out to sea once more.

  He didn’t say anything for a long time and Kara kept silent, giving him space. Eventually he said, “I’m not the man ye and everyone else seems to think I am. I’m nothing but a cursed coward.”

  “Coward?” Kara said, taken aback. “Are you kidding me? You fought off Devereux’s men, took the rap with the police and then agreed to go back through the arch with me, regardless of the fact that Devereux would likely be waiting for us. That’s not the description of cowardice I know.”

  He fixed her with his deep blue stare. “Ye dinna understand, lass. This is all my fault. The fact that ye are trapped here is because of my cowardice.”

  She looked at him, puzzled. “I don’t understand.”

  “Ye think I agreed to help Irene MacAskill out of honor? Nay, lass. The truth is, she gave me an excuse to run away. So I took it. I ran as far and as fast as I could from my responsibilities, from a decision I dinna want to make, and even centuries into the future wasnae far enough for me. And because of that, ye got embroiled in my mess. I’m sorry, lass.”

  Kara shook her head and jabbed a finger in his direction. “Oh no you don’t. You don’t get to take responsibility for my actions. I chose to go to Devereux’s warehouse that night. I chose to follow you when you went to the arch. This is my mess just as much as yours. We’re in this together.”

  He didn’t say anything for a moment but watched her steadily. “In this together,” he murmured at last. “I think I like the sound of that.”

  Before she could reply, a sudden rumble of thunder cracked overhead and a sheet of rain came hissing from the sky, turning the world gray. With a curse, Aiden unclasped his cloak and held it over their heads like a tent.